First off, I need for people to be real with me. I don't care who you're bullshitting, don't pull that shit with me. I'm not an idiot, and honestly it insults me.
Moving on...
As of recent, I've been on edge. And some people may think I'm "off my game" or I "need to pull myself together." Then, I thought about it...I'm not really being any different than I usually am. To some people I'm being different, but those are the people that claim to know me. The people that actually know me know that I'm not this "robot" that some people think I try to be (which is bullshit. Just because I believe in logic, doesn't mean that I'm a heartless asshole). I don't want to get into anything specifically, just wanted to put that idea out there. It just really bothers me when people tell me what I'm thinking or what I want. I tend to feel strongly about that kind of thing. Maybe you don't know everything about me...food for thought.
Another pet peeve as of recent: paranoia. Don't get me wrong, I believe in a certain kind of paranoia, I used to be one of the most paranoid people ever...still kinda am. But there are 2 different kinds of paranoia: the introverted kind and the extroverted kind. In my opinion, the introverted kind is nothing more than having a guilty conscious. I feel as if this kind of paranoia is purely insecurities taking their toll, whether it's because of something you did or just a lack of belief in yourself. I, on the other hand, am the extroverted kind of paranoid. I am very secure in myself and I'm very confident in the choices I make (for the most part). It's OTHER people I'm not secure in. I trust nearly no one, and I always feel like people have ulterior motives (even when they don't...it often gets me into trouble). However, even though both cause issues, I feel as if being secure in yourself is much more valuable than the opposite. For example, I've used my general distrust in others as motivation to prove myself beyond what I know I'm capable of. I mean, I have learned to be more open-minded towards others, and I've learned that to get what I truly want, I can't do it on my own. I just have to choose the appropriate company. In generall, I still only truly trust in myself, and that's fucked some things up for me, but, for the most part, I've rarely been proven wrong. And, at the end of the day, I'd rather be secure in myself and know that I haven't done anything to make me doubt myself, than to think that everything I've done is questionable, whethere they are or not.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I fucking love me and generally accept the choices I've made. And, for the most part, could give a fuck what other people do or thinkd. Can you say the same?
And on that note, you're welcome.
Bitches...
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